Key Points
- There is another facet of our self-image that directly affects how we interact with the world around us – what we allow ourselves to do and where we allow ourselves to go. It is our sense of self-worth, historically known as our self-esteem.
- During our lifetime, to date, we have listened to the opinions of others and allowed them to determine our worth. Once we gave sanction to those opinions, they became a part of our sense of self-esteem and flavored everything we did or didn’t do from that time forward to today. We want to be mindful of who we set up as authorities. We have the power to decide our own self-worth.
- We draw to ourselves what we feel worthy of receiving, whether it’s the home we deserve, the family, the job or career. The bar for “good enough” is set at the same height as our self-worth. Keep in mind that our self-worth is as changeable as our habits, attitudes and comfort zones. It is not fixed.
- Low self-esteem is particularly limiting in work environments, when it is the “boss” with the low sense of self-esteem. All direct reports must have lower self-esteem than the boss. If they don’t, the boss must create a false sense of superiority by putting others down. Productivity follows, and most folks do not want to work in that kind of environment.
- Now a boss or manager with a high sense of self-esteem and self-worth is not concerned if an employee is smarter or more talented. This manager is happy to utilize the abilities of those in the department, and encourages everyone to step up their game, supporting each along the way. Someone with high self-worth is more focused on the vision, the desired outcomes, and supporting a successful process, than they are about making sure they are seen as #1.
- We can raise our self-esteem by looking at our past accomplishments from a different perspective. Reflect back on what went well, what we are proud to have accomplished. Remember the experience, including the sights, sounds, the feelings. Let the pride well up inside us, and then drop that positive feeling of success into an upcoming challenge.
- We tend to pass through our accomplishments too quickly and too lightly to have them make much of an impression on our historical memory. We want to use those successful experiences to build our inner strength so that we can take on more and make a positive difference in our world.
- As we look back at those things that didn’t go so well in the past, we want to focus on how well we recovered from them. Those recoveries speak to our resiliency and persistence in the face of adversity. We are not born tough; we become tough. This is a mark of highly efficacious people. By using “Flick back – Flick up” we are employing the positive emotions of the past and using them to color a positive future.
Key Concepts
Flick-back / Flick-up – to borrow the feelings from a past, positive experience and bring them into a present visualization of affirmations.
Good Enough – level of behavior or performance that does not aim for excellence, but only sufficient to get by.
Persistence – to steadfastly pursue a course of action or purpose; sometimes a stubborn refusal to give up in the face of obstacles.
Resiliency – the ability to bounce back from setbacks or adversity; contains an element of persistence, in not giving up.
Self-Esteem/Self-Worth – your personal estimate of your own value or worth.
Application & Review Questions
Download the interactive PDF and save to your hard drive. Then, take time to reflect on the Application & Review Questions and answer them in relation to the concepts presented apply to your own life.
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Third Party Affirmations – Elevating Another’s Self-Esteem
For many of us, growing up, we were taught to be humble. Our parents didn’t want us to grow up with “big heads” – out-sized, unwarranted egos that can be off-putting to others in society. However, the downside to this is that we had – and probably still have – a tendency to push away compliments. We deflect attention from ourselves, give credit to everybody else and keep none for ourselves, get red in the face and really would prefer to be somewhere else at that moment. Some of us actually remove ourselves from the area!
We have learned that our self-talk reinforces however we feel about ourselves, and that our affirmations can help shift the “red faced deflection” to assimilation of warranted compliments with a simple, “Thank you. That is so nice of you to say!” We accept the compliment, and affirm something positive in the compliment giver. It’s a win-win for both parties and the self-esteem for both goes up.
But what can you do when the other person simply won’t stand there and accept a compliment face-to-face? They deserve the compliment and you want to help build their self-esteem so they can face each day with more confidence and less stress. In this instance, you employ the Third Party Affirmation strategy, which has two delivery options:
- Option 1: When the object of your self-esteem affirmation is within earshot and can overhear your conversation, you tell a third person, “You know, Debbie missed out the first time, but she worked and worked, and got it on the second try. We are so proud of her! She stuck with it and won!” Since the compliment isn’t face-to-face, it can’t be deflected. The affirmation has struck home and made an indelible memory while it elevated self-esteem.
- Option 2: In a situation where the object of your self-esteem affirmation is standing with you, and you know they won’t accept a direct compliment from you, this is where you employ a third person to deliver the message. If you are at a social function, you engage the third person and by way of introduction, convey your affirmation with, “I’d like you to meet Karl. He’s probably the smartest guy I know when it comes to solving computer problems. He’s almost a savant!” Now Karl could push away the compliment from you, but he can’t from the stranger. And you have used the third party to deliver your message.
We have many opportunities to elevate the self-esteem of family and friends every day. It just takes conscious focus to find them. Why not plug it into your RAS and see what you find? Those around you will thank you for it.
EXTENDED LEARING VIDEOS (TBC)